A market stall audience - the Talker, Side-eyer & Bargain hunter

(And why we both love and fear them equally)

You’ve popped up your stall, straightened the linen, lined up your lovingly handmade wares, and are clutching your coffee like a security blanket. It’s time for a maker’s market — where the vibes are high, the footfall unpredictable, and the characters? Oh, they’re abundant.

Here are six iconic shoppers you’ll almost definitely meet before you’ve even unwrapped your sandwich.

1. The Side-Eye Scanner 😐

They never actually stop. Oh no. They perform a slow, deliberate walk-by. The side-eye is strong — scanning your entire stall like a laser barcode reader while their body remains in full motion. You can practically see their internal monologue: “Interesting… that’s cute… but not enough to justify a deceleration.”

You smile hopefully.
They’re gone.
Like a crafting ghost in the wind.

2. The Bombastic Browser 🎉

You hear them before you see them.
“OH MY GOSH, THIS IS SO CUTE!” they boom, beelining for your stall like a human glitter cannon.

You brace for impact.

They gasp, giggle, exclaim, and bounce — all while clutching their oat milk latte and saying things like “You’re SO talented!” and “This is EXACTLY what I’ve been looking for!”
…But do they buy?
Not a chance.
They disappear in a whirlwind of compliments and confetti, leaving you dazed and somehow vaguely flattered.

3. The Toucher ✋

This one means well. Probably.

But they must, absolutely must, pick up everything.
They lift it. They turn it over. They squish it. They poke it. They smell it (??).
They then return it to roughly where it came from — usually upside down, backwards, or precariously balanced on something it shouldn’t be touching. Your carefully styled display is now a modern art interpretation of “before & after a the toucher visit.”

4. The Frazzled Parent 🧒🍭

Usually accompanied by a sugar-fuelled mini-human who is part child, part tornado.

The parent is visibly sweating. They’re herding their five-year-old away from your most fragile items using only whispered threats and increasingly frantic eyes. Meanwhile, Sticky Fingers is halfway through fondling a glass ornament with the intensity of someone decoding ancient runes. You try to help. They apologise four hundred times.
No one buys anything.
Everyone needs a lie down.

5. The Bargain Hunter 💷

The price tag says £15.
They squint.
“Hmmm… would you take £4.99?”
You laugh nervously, assuming it’s a joke. It’s not.

They go on to explain that while yes, it is beautiful, and yes, it probably did take you three days to make, and yes, materials are expensive these days — they could probably get something similar on Temu. In a different colour. With free delivery.
You smile through gritted teeth and politely suggest Temu is a wonderful option.

6. The Talker 🎤

Lovely. Genuinely. Warm and full of questions.

They want to know everything — what clay you use, how long it takes to dry, whether your packaging is recycled, where you learned your craft, what your star sign is, and if your grandma was also creative.
You’re mid-story about your inspiration when you spot three real customers lurking awkwardly, waiting to ask about a price — but they shuffle off because Talker is knee-deep in your life story and now showing you photos of their niece’s dog.

You nod, you smile, you try to gently escape the conversational vortex.
You never quite make it.

Every stallholder knows the joy, chaos, and low-level adrenaline that comes with a day at a market. These shoppers? They make it memorable. They are the market. And yes, they sometimes make us question our sanity, but we wouldn’t have it any other way.

(Okay, maybe fewer Touchers. And one less Bargain Hunter. And maybe give the dog photo slideshow a skip.)